Why Him??? That seems to be the question on his mind. I must say that I couldn't agree more. Hubby has been working the night shift this week and he was taking a quick nap before work. I had to wake him up so he could take his medicine and test his sugar before work. As he woke up he said "why bother living?" Wow, I know this is hard but I did not understand that comment. I said to him what do you mean? He said " I can't eat, I can't drink, I go to work and I am so tired I sleep during my breaks, that's why I am not eating at work. I come home and I sleep and I am still tired."

I have to say that this devastated me. I guess I just feel like the kids and I are not enough reason for him to want to be here on this earth and that really hurts. It seems like the booze is more important to him then us. I feel awful for him. I do not want to see him going through this. It is so hard on all of us. I can not even imagine what he is going through.

I have often times wondered what has kept the two of us together. To put it nicely we had a rough relationship. There were many times that I thought about calling it quits and just walking out the door. But something kept me there, something beyond my control. As time as gone on things between us have gotten better. Strangely enough things now are the best they have ever been between us. I believe that we choose the life we are going to live before we are born and that we carry the experiences of past lives with us to help us through the tough times in our current life. I believe that our soul needs this to grow spiritually. Could it be that the reason I never left was because, this is what I chose? A lesson I needed to learn? A lesson I needed to help him learn? Maybe this is all happening to us for a good reason. To help us grow spiritually and to help us become a better couple, better parents and better people; healthier people! He was headed down a bad road with all of his drinking and the live style he was living. Maybe this is for the best. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

I love this man soooo much and I just want to take his pain away and make everything better again! But I can't do that! It hurts me so much to watch this bring him down. But this is not the end of our life, this is the beginning of a new life, a healthier way to live and to bring up our children, so hopefully they never have to deal with this disease. We need to learn how to control the diabetes and not let the diabetes control us!